postheadericon Being in The Friend Zone – There Comes a Time When You Need to Be Genuine With Yourself

It’ s kind of a weird dichotomy of feelings that you have when you are within the friend zone with a woman you really want to be more than friends with. That’ s because it can feel really comfortable to get to spend time with her, to get at share secrets with her, and to feel like she really cares regarding you and likes you. It can also really feel really uncomfortable when you are forced to encounter the fact that you like her as more than the friend, but she probably doesn’ t feel the same way about you. That weird dichotomy seems to be what keeps guys locked in the buddy zone for a long time, but there really does come a time when what you ouugh to do is just be real with yourself and admit that either you are going to be more than her buddy or you are going to have to forget about that each being a reality.


I knew a guy who had been really good with women and he informed me something that kind of changed my whole approach and it has stuck with me and proved to be very useful over the years. What he or she said was – Great ladies are everywhere and if you can’ t date the one that you want, there is always another who will come along and make you forget about that woman. It might audio cold to say something like that, yet there is a lot of truth in it. You can find great women all around you. You will find women who are beautiful, women who are intelligent all around you all of the time. So , if you are stuck on one woman you are in the friend zone with, remember that. A lot of guys will stay in the buddy zone because they don’ t realize that as great as the woman they will like might be, there are plenty more that are just as great out there.


Another reality that you have to deal with is the fact that some things will simply never change. I’ ve actually known guys who were in the buddy zone with a woman for 5 years or more. All that time they will spent pining away for that a single woman that they couldn’ t have got, they could have spent some of that time finding someone that they could be with. A person don’ t want to wake up 1 day and realize that you have wasted years and years with a woman you are never going to date. That’ s really when you need to be real with yourself and admit that it will probably never take place and that it is time to move on.

6 Responses to “Being in The Friend Zone – There Comes a Time When You Need to Be Genuine With Yourself”

  • Roflcopter:

    Ok so I am an 18 year old male who has had a pretty good life so far, im not underprivileged. I am usually quite the positive one and the one people go to for advice, and I am always willing to help them out, I am not religious but try my best to live up to the bible quote “do more for others than you would yourself.” I do my best every day to be my best, so I do not drink, smoke, or take drugs. I am not a partier, but more mature than your regular 18 year old. I enjoy a lot of outdoors activities and go to the gym regularly and love football.

    Now that ive said a bit about me, this is what i need help with… people take advantage of my nice personality and take me for granted, they will come to me when they are down but when they are better its like I don’t exist anymore. to me, when some1 needs me, i will drop whatever i am doing to go and help them, and i don’t mean send a txt or call, i would go to them, and try to comfort them, but i doubt many if any would do the same for me.

    I’ve had the same problem for a long time, which is trying to find a decent girl, im not obsessed or anything, but I’m always in the dreaded “friend-zone” I know im not the most fun, outgoing or confident person, but I am probably one of the most genuine, caring guys out there, although that doesn’t appeal to people my age as its all about parties, hook-ups and getting drunk, which I personally dont really fancy as I’m always about finding “the one”. For nearly every girl i talk to, they say all these positive things about me, about my personality and my appearance, but none seem to have the time for me, they have time for others, but not me, even when im offering rides to and from their place and willing to put in all the effort, they cant spare me any time, other times they make plans but dont have a specific time for when we can catch up e.g. tomorrow afternoonish, but when tomorrow comes i get no contact from them telling me a time. Some say im just unlucky and always pick the complicated girl, but i start to doubt that, cause i dont think that its just unfortunate almost every one has used me.

    So the only 2 things i really care for at the moment is my favourite soccer team (arsenal) which i treat as my religion, and my dog, who is always there for me and never asks for more than to be fed and a belly rub.

    I Dont mind being someones candle when all they see is darkness, but I hate being used, and knowing they wouldnt do the same for me. I am also sick of all the talk to the fact i generally dont believe what people tell me cause i have been lied to too much and only believe in actions, e.g people tell me they are here for me if i ever need them, but when that time comes they are busy. I know that may be a lot to ask but generally for them being busy is hanging out with a couple of their mates, which for me, if i had some1 need me id tell my mates that i had to go, because im not one to break my word.

    I also took a depression test today, which stated i might have clinical depression, im not suicidal and i dont cut myself or anything i think its stupid to do either of them, so dont worry about that, but i have been rather sad and have lost hope, this is not just a recent thing as well. Around others i always have a smile and always have a laugh cause i dont want to burden them with my problems, but when im alone i cant help but think..

    For those who didnt read the whole thing (i dont blame you its a pretty big read) ill try bullet point each paragraph for you.

    1) About myself
    2) Me being taken advantage of
    3) Luck with girls
    4) 2 things that i love and only things i care deeply for
    5) Not being treated the same as I treat others
    6) Depression test and my view on it.

    My question in general: What can I do to get myself out of this slump? and why dont others seem to care?
    First of all; i would like to thank you for both of your inputs.

    I would talk to my mum, but I dont know what she could do to be honest, ive talked to a lot of people about it, trying to get as many views as possibl but nothing really actually does anything about my situation, not trying to be ungreatful or anything, just honest. and i understand its a dog eat dog world which sucks, cause i think a lot more could be achieved if people helped one another.

  • Gage:

    im very unhappy.. i really have no friends at all. not even 1.
    im 25 yrs old, and no one likes me.. and the people i know. they aint really my friends.
    they just someone i know, in fact i dont really trust them. and we dont even talk to each other, maybe never. or once a year. on facebook.

    i really have nobody. =(

    my family dont get along with me. im so unhappy. i dont know what to do.

    i have like 1 online friend.. but i dont even know why i call him my friend, since we not really friends. we will never meet, just somebody to talk to. but really, barely know him..

    i have a net friend who i email to, shes real and genuine nice friend, its confirmed. but she is again, just an online friend..

    im just very sad.. i feel like a big loner! :’(

  • DuckieM10:

    So i like this boy at school he is in grade 12 and im in grade 10. He is graduating in June but i want to get to know him more and maybe even date him. We don’t really talk maybe the odd hi and bye and stuff but that’s it. Im super shy so i need help ASAP. Any ideas? :)

  • Cupcakerum:

    Okay so, I feel like I need to step out of my comfort zone and live my life to the fullest but I don’t know how!
    I don’t have a mass of friends just a small group and most of them are busy at uni or work so I don’t really see them much. I’m also not in a relationship – mainly because I’m still slightly hooked on my ex (who has a girlfriend) which I know I should get over him fully by going out there meeting people but the trouble is I just don’t feel like I can. I’m too scared which I know is ridiculous.

    I literally go to work, come home and chill out, sleep and then start the day again. I only really go out with my sister or mother which is nice that we’re so close knit but I need to get out and live my life. I’m too much of a family person which is the trouble. I would prefer to stay at home than go out…unless I really actually want to go out.

    Does anyone have any advice? Only genuine answers please!

  • xLittle21Yaox:

    It seems like women don’t like getting compliments and they just want guys to talk to them like they’re just talking to another guy. Why is this?

  • Nick:

    I am a 24 year old male with about average looks and average body. Both of my parents are working and so from my childhood,I was a bit of introverted person who had to resort to entertaining himself when left alone. I guess my persona was shaped that way and till this day, I do not have any social skills to make new friends and be a normal human male. Whenever I meet someone new, I try not to initiate a conversation and let other people talk while I listen from the background. From my school days I never had any real friend and till this day, I talk with less than 3 people other than my parents on the phone regularly. I never had a girlfriend, I am a virgin and I think I will be like that for the rest of my life. Now that I am on a job out of technical school for a year, I have moved out from my parent’s house and currently is more or less busy with work for the weekdays and spend my weekends surfing the net and playing video games. I see people going out and having good fun times with their girlfriends, and I think-”If I had a girlfriend, I could’ve been happy too.” Over the years I have learned to calm my mind from the perceived meaninglessness and frustration of my life, but it’s starting to take a toll. Sometimes I just feel like- “F**K everything man. I am what I am and you can f**k off if you don’t like me.” , but only the next day I feel like a loser. On the streets whenever I see a hot girl, I stare awkwardly and seem like a freak. I masturbate a lot and watch a lot of porn while fantasizing about f***king hot chicks, but once the moment of pleasure is past, the glumness returns after some time. If I go on with my current lifestyle, then by the time I am forty, and all of my acquiescences will have moved on with their life and I will be worth nothing more than a shallow greeting, or probably an evening of reminiscence. Then my life will be a completely empty void and I won’t have any reason to live in this world. I never had the feeling of being part of a family, and I know eventually I will be alone in the dark. For the moment I try to extract happiness from the little joys of my daily life and distract myself by riding my motorcycle out to long highways whenever I get my chance, but I don’t know how long I will be able to pull it off. My so called “friends” tell me things like “just chill and not think about life. You are only 24″, “You are just being selfish and hoping that life would treat you as a king.” whenever I engage with more than shallow talks, and express myself a bit. But thats what I am. Once my parents are gone and my family has lost connection with me, I will have no reason to live with my empty life and will have to seriously contemplate suicide. Even now while I am writing this, a part of brain is telling me that “I am posting this just not to feel sorry about myself, while being whiny and trying to bring in third party compassion from the vast pool of the internet where at least someone will post a comforting reply.” But I just can’t help it. So I ask you this- Am I really a sorry a** whiny person who is nothing more than a waste of food and oxygen on this world ? Please guys I need motivation to take my life forward. I have a strong feeling I won’t make it……………

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